How To Make An FIR Proof Toolkit

Begin with a seemingly endless explanation of how all religions are great or How the religion belonging to the majority of the population is greater (Depends upon your country). Just to make sure you don’t hurt any imaginary, pride-less, eternally caring omnipotent being in the sky without even referring to it. (“Sky” because a deity is everywhere but down in the ground which itself ironically is in the upward direction for a human on the opposite side of the planet. Just saying)

2.  Add a list of all castes of all religions around the globe and request them to take heed to the fact that whatever that follows doesn’t concern them if they’re anywhere in that list. Just to make sure you don’t cause social unrest among them. 

3. Now you can begin explaining the real issue or as the government calls it “reform” that “A FEW PEOPLE” (even if they’re in thousands or millions) are protesting against. But before you do that you have to go to the nearest Tehsil to generate a certificate as proof that you’ve read and understand what you’re about to explain. Please attach it to the toolkit document otherwise it will be considered not only invalid but also a breach in national security which is somehow so easy to break but that’s all your fault. 

4. Now that you’ve begun explaining the subject of your toolkit, don’t forget to add a disclaimer after each sentence that you write or each word if possible. This disclaimer may contain the first two steps fully or partially. We recommend you do the former.

5. Once you’re finished making a toolkit, now comes the question of what to do with it. The best approach would be to burn it/delete it as soon as you can to avoid any undesirable consequences. If that’s not possible you should first go to the nearest tehsil for verification of your document. After the verification erase all you’ve written except step 1 and you’ll be good to go. You can now share it in public spaces without having to worry about police cases and written, spoken, or physical abuse against you or your loved ones. If data erase is not an option you can support the protesters who are experiencing a completely real crisis, by sharing your toolkit with them and other sympathizers to make them correctly informed and organized in their conduct and expect people who don’t even know you or have seen you, demand your life in the following days.

6. Even if you follow the above instructions, there’s still maybe an FIR lodged against you. But hey, you can never tell what’s going to happen. So don’t say we didn’t tell you.